Posts Tagged ‘smoking’
Dear Ellis, my ten-pound nephew,
A few gems for you in case you find yourself across the pond:
1) Don’t start smoking. This applies anywhere.
2) Try the black pudding.
3) DO NOT ask what it is made of.
4) Never trust a redhead. Most of them do not have souls. You will not learn this in school and people will tell you it is not true. You may even find yourself in a discussion regarding the essence of the soul and whether a soul in fact exists or not. Disregard this. Redheads are to be avoided at all costs.
5) In the event that you have disregarded gem #1, do not ever believe it is possible to quit smoking in Europe. You might as well be shaving with a wet noodle.
6) Along with redheads, avoid budget airlines that peddle gambling. Any company whose main objective is to defy gravity ought never be in the odds-making industry. Today a flight attendant wanted me to buy a lottery ticket. Rather than enjoy the English countryside below me I, for the first time, read and re-read the emergency landing instructions. It’s just not right Ellis… dammit.
Your doting Guncle,
theroyalwee
